Little Miss

Look who I got to play with today

Miss Bailey Beeman

Happy Weekend

Here's a cute little baby my sister did a shoot of just to make your Friday a little sweeter:) I kind of feel like him now. Just pooped.

Happy weekend!

Fears that Confirm

Tonight, I was afraid.

It was an orientation night for my teaching credential and master's work. Throughout the day, I was feeling exhausted, busy, and like this was the LAST thing that I wanted to do tonight.

Naturally, I began to make excuses. "Well, maybe I could just not go because they didn't say it was mandatory". You know how it goes.

As I started to get ready, I became overwhelmed with so many fears.

Fear #1: that they would not take me seriously. They would take one look at me, say I was way too young, after all, she is only 20. Then they would move on to the next person to focus their attention to. I would be the one they thought could never do this.

Fear #2: I know this sounds silly, but being little (4' 11" to be exact), sometimes you feel like you have to work a little harder than others in order to gain the same respect from others when you first meet them. You have to give a little extra attention to proving yourself. Well this was one of those times and fear was in full force and was coming at me faster then a freight train. I was too little and once again, a worry that these people would not respect me and believe in me.

Fear #3: I don't know where it is, therefore, I may get lost. If you don't know me, this may not seem like a big deal. I have this outrageous trend of getting lost and especially during the dark. Another fear. Another hurdle.

I ran around my room quickly trying to get ready and I was so frustrated that the event was going on and I could only think of all of the other things I could be doing. Homework. Reading. Sleeping.

I soon came to realize that these thoughts, doubts, and fears were nothing but Satan trying to keep me from going. Immediately, I was angry at the amount of power and misdirection he can cause, and that I allow in, but after a little while, I felt so confirmed that the love I have for kids is something God wants me to use.

This night was supposed to be a step towards the beginning of the next step that brings me to where I want to be. Kids. I want to love on them. I want to laugh with them. I want to tell them it is okay when they are scared. I want to dry there tears when they don't feel loved or just not feeling up to par. I want to tell them they are beautiful and see those little smiles when they hear it. I want to see them learn. I want to see those contorted faces as they try to figure something out or try something new. I want to talk to them and hear what they think about with each other. I want to hear what they imagine and I want to hear what they want to be. I have this deep desire for it.

Satan did not want it and he was ready and waiting to feed me the lies that are so easy to believe.

Tonight, there was an attempt to stop this, but I feel so confirmed that God wants me here. He wants me stepping towards these kids. He wants to feed love to these kids through me.

You know what else I realized. Maybe my doubts about my height and smallness are so silly because maybe God made me just that way on purpose. People often tell me that I will blend in with the kids when I am the teacher. Maybe that is exactly what he wants. Did he not himself become a part of the broken and the children and work to learn from them? I believe so.

So today I stand with doubts behind me and ecstatic to push forward.

I can not wait to blend in with the children.

Matthew 19:4 "For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children. .... become likelittle children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven"

Rolling those skates

I woke up this morning with an urge to roller skate.

I think these babies would be a lot less wobbly then me though.

I can do anything

If you need a reminder on how to give yourself some daily affirmation, Jessica can remind you how.

Enjoy :)

Children

I have a class next to Point Loma's preschool. TO a kid lover like me, it is not conducive to learning. I hear the giggles, the cries, the screams and I just want to jump out of my seat and join them. Not yet though. But very soon, I'll be there with them and I can not wait.

Tessa Tangerine

I have been following Pacing the Panic room for a long time. It all started with his maternity series of his wife when she was pregnant with this little booger below. Is it bad that I would probably be star struck to meet this little girl Tessa. She is so adorable! Enjoy!

Two And A Half Minutes With Tessa - episode one from The Panic Room Videos on Vimeo.

Smiles

This little girl was all smiles in San Francisco today. No, I am not a creeper, I just love these little guys. Look at those pouty lips!

Nella

God creates these stories that sometimes we do not understand what he is doing. We struggle with trusting, but slowly we are all learning.

Someone showed me this story because they knew my infatuation with blogs, specifically baby blogs. This story may bring you some tears, but its beautiful. If you want to know what pure raw motherly love is, read Nella's Story. She is beautiful and sweet and her Mamma is amazing as well.

God is good. I can not wait to love even more children one day then are already in my life. It is like I can not get enough. Thanks God for this passion.

Person of the Week!

Maggie Barankitse

Maggie was around during the 1993 civil wars in Rwanda. At one point in the war, she herself saw many become killed. She worked and managed to save 25 children that she took into her home. After this, she knew what her new role was.

Maggie began to form the Maison Shalom. This means the house of peace. Her goal was to use this house for orphaned, mistreated, and abandoned children "in security, education, and love".

She provides education to these kids loves these kids and so much more. She wants to let them have a real family, so she places them in houses on the property and allows them to have a family unit they belong to. Today, she has over 10,000 kids that she mothers.

This woman has shown the world how to love selflessly. She has also shown the importance of the children around the world and how important they are to the future. I can not wait to work with even more kids some day :)

Father Daughter Day

I am such a creeper. I was reading my bible in my car on my break today and couldn't help but love to watch this Dad daughter and puppy as they tumbled in the grass. They wrestled and chased each other and rolled through the grass. They did not care about anyone else around them. It reminded me of a new couple and how they can only see into the eyes of that one person. This daddy was doing so well at showing this little girl how beautiful she is. I loved the fun of it though! Hopefully that didn't catch me snapping photos:)

Sweet Tooth

I babysat Maddi and Justin tonight. Well I guess it was more like hang out and give them the biggest sugar rush around. I remember who my sugar rush babysitter was. My Aunt Cheryl. I knew that when I went over there I would fill my sweet teeth for ages between M&M's cookie dough, cinnamon candies and so much more. Those are the things I remember so I figured I would let them have someone who did the same for them:)

(Peanut Butter cookies, Brownies, ice cream, and every kind of sundae topping around)

These are the kids

So these are the kids that made me realized Maybe God had another plan for me:)

There's Yaqueline: The shy one that is always so excited to watch others and wanting to soak in everything they do. SHe may surprise you now and then with a good joke or a deep analyzation of something...ie a mealworm

David: Oh David. I thought he was shy..then I realized that everything is funny to him. MAybe this is why we got along so well. I am so excited that by the end of the year, he was reading with almost no help...:) yay!!!!

Dalila: The fashion queen...everyday she asked if I loved her outfit followed by "will you sit by me at lunch?" What a girl with big heart,constantly loving on others.

Sinai: The latecomer to the class but wow is she one big brain. Always seemed to be a little older then a second grader:)

Xalen: The one that is so excited about everything new. I feel like his brain must be as big as the sun. He has so much information in there. He is that one kid with his hand up first everytime and so excited to share what he knows with others.

It was their class that God used to redirect my plans a little. I fell in love with each one of them for different reasons. I have to say my favorite one was Sergio. He had to leave the school but while he was there, he was such a blessing to me. He knew no English and could barely read spanish as well. I could see God in him through his heart. He was so thankful when he understood something. I saw his eagerness to learn as much as he could, even if he wanted to do it on his own time. He was from Tijuana and was staying with his Aunt. He bounced back and forth between the parents and Aunt and had no sense of stability. I began to pray daily for God to use me in some way to show him the love of Jesus.

I felt so fufilled and joyful when I worked with him. I know God was trying to show me he created me to work with his children. I cant wait for next years class to spread Jesus' love even more